Convicted Over the Edge

Have you ever been thinking about something that you think you may be wrong on? Or maybe like you’ve had incorrect understanding of how something is working, but you’re not quite sure, and you don’t really want to believe it even if it were true, but then, out of the blue, something comes out and calls out exactly what you’re thinking you’re wrong about.

You don’t know whether to be happy that you finally have the answer or to be frustrated because you’re wrong. It feels good to have resolution, but oh how annoying it is to be wrong about something…again.

It’s been interesting for me when I really dive into these things that convict. Instead of simply realizing that something I thought was wrong and questioning it for awhile, realize I was wrong and figure out exactly what the truth of it is.

This is all a bit vague, but the most recent understanding for me that was happening was my attitude toward my roommates about cleanliness in the kitchen. I absolutely hate having a sink full of dishes, but there were constantly dishes in the sink (that I just KNEW weren’t mine). I was so frustrated and would often begrudgingly do the dishes and clean up with an unhappy face and an angry heart.

I felt like something was wrong with this…that is, I knew my attitude was wrong, but something in me said, “at least you’re cleaning up for them still and not blowing up on them.”

I kept feeling convicted that I was not doing the right thing and was not helping myself by having this attitude, but I just couldn’t shake it.

Then.

While I was feeling this, I’ve been going through a programish thing called “inventory” through the Austin Stone, and it helps you to write down things that are growing in your heart so that you can expose them to God and allow Him to deal with them instead of you. This week was on guilt, shame, and fear. One of the last sentences in the chapter this week on these three things literally had the example of what I was talking about. Roommates who have different standards of cleanliness than you do, you begrudgingly clean after them but your heart is in the wrong place.

It spelled out exactly where I was and then gave practical feedback on how this can be fixed through Christ. That’s what it took, but I was convicted over the edge. And why didn’t I just start here. Life is so much better now having understood what I needed to do, but I loved wallowing in the self-pity, pride-filled annoyance that I had. I made myself think that I wanted to stay there.

Follow your convictions before they push you over the edge.