I was talking with a friend earlier today about what it looked like to be blogging while I was dating. It’s an odd thing because it seems like such a personal part of life that I wouldn’t just want to share with everyone, but it’s also one of the biggest things happening in my life, so how can I not share about it.
They brought up an interesting point. How many people blog or write about their relationship as they’re in it? Sure. Lots of people write about love and relationships, in fact, it might be the most written about subject. But it seems like much of it is past tense. It’s books about it or songs about it. It may have been written in the moment but was it published in the moment.
It makes me wonder about the music stars who write such personal songs about their relationships. It’s hard to imagine being that open in a song for the whole world. For me, it’s hard for me to even publish on this blog that less than 10 people consistently read. Even realizing my mom is reading it every day makes it seem odd to publish things that you might if there was never an audience that you knew.
But how interesting would it be to see a live play by play of how a relationship goes from start to finish?
I’ve learned so much in the last year and a half about learning out loud. In business, it seems like it’s pretty much all pros. People see your journey and even if you start knowing nothing, the skills and knowledge that you gain are so cool for the outside world to watch.
Posting about a relationship publicly obviously can have some worse consequences. In the business world, learning out loud, I suppose you may lose your reputation if you say something or do something dumb. Maybe you could even lose your job if you did something stupid enough
But a relationship could completely wreck your life. Or maybe for some people, their relationship is wrecking their life. It’s a part of life that, for most people, is held more deal than any job.
In a romantic relationship especially, the emotions and things of the heart that go on there have such a huge impact on your life. To put those thoughts and feeling out in the world can downright be a dangerous thing.
I hadn’t quite made up my mind on this subject when I started writing. I’ve been trying to figure out what the balance is between being as real and honest as I can on this blog and also appreciating the things that perhaps don’t need to be shared with the whole world.
I’ve talked before about the difference between transparency and vulnerability, and after writing so far, I think the conclusion that I’ve come to is that a blog is a place to be transparent, but it’s not a place to be vulnerable. It’s a place to be honest about your life. The things you’re learning and growing in. In some cases, the things you’re struggling in. But in general, it should be done in a factual way. There are feelings involved, as always. But it’s stating life as it is without sugar-coating it.
As I think on this and how to be transparent in the things I write, I realize what a joyous time in my life it is. I’m dating someone that I can’t believe I’m dating. A person that has become so important in my life in a period of less than 4 months. A person that I love spending time with, I love the discussions that we’re able to have. To be able to see the differences between us while also seeing the enormous amount of similarities that we have. Simply knowing that there is a person who cares about me in a similar way that I care about them is a feeling that is hard to express.
Most of all, someone who loves the God who created them so much more than they love me. Some who may not know Christ may see this as something odd. To not desire someone to put me first in their life. But after experiencing and understanding the love that God has for me — having tasted the goodness of the God I serve, I can’t help but wish that everyone would put Him first in their lives and experience the same thing — most of all, the person that I care about most.
I want them to experience all the same joy that I have pursuing Him. Realizing that true love only comes from Christ, the God we serve. And if that’s true, that there’s no way to love without him, how can we not seek to love him first and allow His love to be perfected through us.
There should be no order of love. It’s not loving God, then loving family, then loving the church. It’s I love God, and through God, I am able to love others.
And that’s the best kind of love.
The greatest joy that I have found in dating (in my whole week and a half of experience) is the joy that comes from seeing another person seeking Christ with all their heart while running alongside you. And I wish for everyone to be able to have that experience.