There are many kinds of intimacy. As I’ve mentioned in recent posts, they deserve a full post or several posts at some point but I don’t have the time or energy to invest in them right now. So this short summary of my thoughts will have to do.
I’ve realized in recent weeks how important the experiential side of intimacy is in friendships for me.
I’m great at the first couple of meeting with people. I can ask a lot of questions and get to know people extremely quickly, but the third and fourth meetings are hard for me. I already feel like I know someone as deep as I need to and unless a lot of life has happened in between meetings, I don’t find it necessary to hash out all the things of life, I much prefer being able to spend time with these people doing something.
There is less pressure to continue conversation because you have activities that you are doing, but in these activities, it also spawns more conversation naturally. It also creates so much more conversation for later being able to talk about and relive your experiences together.
I’ve realized how important it is for me to have these kinds of friendships with people and now that I understand what really helps me to connect with people, I think it will help me to be more intentional about making it happen.
I encourage you to figure out what might be the kind of intimacy you desire most and see if you can spend time in your friendships focusing on building this intimacy.
True, deep and growing friendships are hard to find as you get older, so when trying to build these, focus on what’s actually important to you.