As I was going through a missions training course in Austin, one of the things that we try to do is be very involved in our neighbors’ lives. Figuring out how we can help them, inviting them over for dinner. In some ways, it seems like the things that all neighbors 100 years ago would have done, but it’s just lost today. Or at least lost in the US. Plenty of places outside of the US are still as hospitable and friendly as ever.
What we found, knocking on neighbors’ doors, is that when you ask someone if there is anything you can help with, the answer almost 100% of the time is “not that I can think of”. Why is that? At any time, my guess is that most people actually do have something that they could use help on, but they don’t say it when I knock on the door?
The simple answer you might be thinking is “of course not. I wouldn’t trust a random stranger on my doorstep to help me with something”.
Which is true. However, I would argue that this can in some ways be superseded. That is to say, there is always a level of trust that is needed in any sort of relationship. Even knocking on someone’s door, they have to have a level of trust to open the door. If they had no trust at all in you, they wouldn’t open their door. If they open their door, they clearly already have some level of trust in you, a stranger on their door.
As we were going through the training, something that was mentioned was that if you have no needs to ask of others, they often feel uncomfortable asking you. People hate owing other people. They would often even rather go through suffering which could be avoided by asking someone for help, just so that they don’t have to owe someone.
If your car all of a sudden broke down and you couldn’t make it to work, what do you do? You might be fortunate enough to have close friends or family who can help you. Or insurance that covers you in these cases. But what if you didn’t? What if you didn’t have anyone you could call for help, what is your next step? Would you call your neighbor and ask if you could use their car?
This of course is a more extreme example since trusting someone to drive your car is a bit of risk, especially if you don’t know them well, but my guess is that you wouldn’t ask your neighbor. You would figure something out. Whether it was calling in sick to work, taking a bus, etc. We don’t like to owe people things, and we don’t even want to inconvenience them.
A way to help people feel more comfortable asking for help is to ask them for help. Instead of running to the store real quickly to pick up those 2 eggs you need for your recipe, what if you knocked on your neighbors’ doors. Again, things that used to be done all the time and are still done in other cultures but are so rarely done here in the US.
By asking your neighbor for help, you are telling them that you are the kind of person who believes in neighbors helping neighbors.
Although there still must be a layer of trust, by you yourself asking for help, you open up the door for being able to help others. So, if you’re looking to help others, what can you ask for help in this week?