This post is part of my ongoing series of writing down my thoughts on the Bible passages I read each day. Some days I hope to have great insight that the Lord gives me, and many days, I will likely struggle through the text and not know what to write down based on what I read. My hope and prayer is that as I make this a habit, just as I did daily writing for so long, that I will improve on my ability to read and understand the passages I’m reading. Please keep in mind that many of these posts may be published late at night or with little time studying and simply be my first thoughts after reading. This is in no way a commentary that one should use to discern the Bible, but my own personal thoughts.

We continue in these chapters to hear the inward thoughts of David’s mind as he goes through the struggle of being hunted down by the king. David’s confidence in God, even in these difficult times is amazing.

We may be distanced from his situation. But I like to imagine really being in his shoes. I wrote the following, not as an actual description of what was going on in his head, because who can truly know. But it’s some of my thoughts as I think through his situation if I were in it.

You serve the king and do everything you think you’re supposed to do, then the king gets jealous of you and starts to become more hostile to you. At first, maybe it just seems a little odd…until the point where he throws a spear at you trying to kill you. At that moment, you know it’s real. The tension is palpable.

Maybe in some ways, you still feel like a kid. You’ve certainly done a lot with the Lord’s help, but you still feel like you are new to this big world of kingdom living, and now all of a sudden you don’t feel welcome in it. You were taken in not feeling you deserved it, and now you wonder if you were actually doing what you were supposed to be doing. Why would God be punishing you?

Why would the king try and kill you after you served him faithfully? Isn’t he a man who worships the same God? How could he do that yet hate you? Are you in the wrong? But you have formed a friendship with the king’s son, and it’s the only thing that holds you together at times. Praying and hoping that it’s not you that is in the wrong. Your friend and you feel like you’re maybe the only ones who think the king has gone insane. What can you do?

You end up having to run like a fugitive. Your friend helps you to run away. Everywhere you go and the longer you hide, the more the king’s bitterness against you builds. He himself is out pursuing you so that he can kill you. Who’s side are you on? Is this truly the same king that gave you his armor when you went to fight the giant from the Philistines? So much has changed since then. What could possibly be in store for the rest of your life? Are you doomed to run for the rest of your life? Surely there is more to life than all of this running. What is God planning?

You give it to God knowing that he’s in control and only he is in control. You can only be faithful and obedient to what God is calling you to do. Maybe someday he will use you for bigger things than running, but right now, it’s a full-time job simply trying to stay alive.

I’ll end the monologue about yourself there.

When I think of the real-life thoughts of a man, probably not that different from myself, it’s crazy thinking of all of what David went through and experienced in his life. From being a simple shepherd boy to being the most sought in the kingdom.