I don’t have a lot to say on this subject except for the fact that I have much, much more to learn.
Having two non-white roommates has been really helpful for me in figuring out where I may be blind to the things that are going on all around me. A wedding that to me may seem completely fine and dandy, a non-white person may not have had a single person look them in the eye.
Often times, it’s not even purposeful, but people just don’t know what they’re doing or even that they’re doing it.
There are many things that people can deny or try to prove as it comes to what some might call “race wars”, but the biggest thing that we should not discount is perception. What do I mean by that?
There’s a very simple example that most likely already know. To me, as a white male, I see a police officer, and my general feeling is one of safety. Even if he is pulling me over for a ticket, it’s not a feeling of fear as it may be more of annoyance, shame, or anger. I don’t feel afraid by the presence of the officer, and in most other situations outside a speeding ticket, i actually feel much safer.
But a black man or woman’s perception may be very different. There may be a feeling of fear or panic. Not knowing if they do the wrong thing if they’ll get hurt.
You may hear this and say “well that’s their own fault. 99% of cops aren’t gonna hurt them.” You may very well be right, but because of the perception that some cops have given to the black community, there is a perception and reaction that comes more from fear, not one from safety.
There is still much I have to learn, as I mentioned earlier. Initially, I came from a place of “If we stop talking about it we’ll stop causing the divide that’s happening” but I’ve come to realize this really isn’t the case. If we stop talking about it, I’ll stop being affected by it, because I won’t hear about it, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t still some people out there who are still going to act on their racism and hurt people who will never have a voice.
In this case, it’s not “forgive and forget.” It’s “forgive and remember.
But remember in the same way a cheating spouse remembers their affair. Leave the life of unfaithfulness is the first step, but the next step isn’t to start acting like it never happened with your spouse. You’ve hurt that person. You must earn back the trust and you may need to take measures to make sure they can trust you.
In the same way, their job isn’t to rub in your mistake every time you do something wrong and bring it up constantly, but they are there to also help you stay accountable and make sure that you don’t fall into the same habits you once came from.
It’s America’s (that’s you if you live in America) job to stop the affair and start talking about how to fix it before the unfaithfulness causes unrepairable damage that causes a life long strife.