The Three Pillars Of “Don’t Do” On Zoom

If there was a book that had the list of hardest things known to man, you’d probably see some things like difficult math equations, sports achievements, military records, etc. But at the very top of all of these things, more difficult than all the rest. Maybe more than all the rest combined, it would have a big title reading: Muting Your Mic on Zoom

After spending close to 500 hours on Zoom over the last two years, in some ways, I feel like a Zoom professional. As COVID-19 blew up and Zoom followed right along with it, people started using it and it seemed appropriate to write a list of three pillars of what you should definitely NOT do while on Zoom calls.

The first of these pillars, listed already, is the broadest and encompassing of the three.

MUTE YOUR MIC.

It didn’t hit me quite as hard until I saw someone on a Zoom call when I was with them in person. They were in a group of people (myself and several others at the table) and they started Zoom up, started their video and unmuted themself, and sat at the table chilling. I looked in horror knowing what the other side was experiencing at this moment.

Sounds of our conversation. Occasional laughter. The dishwasher running in the background. The dog barking. I thought about just how hard it must be to reach forward with the mouse and click the mute button. Must have been just an insurmountable task.

In reality, of course, it would be so easy for him to hit the mute button. He wasn’t even hardly ever talking. It would be much easier to keep himself on mute while others were talking and if he needed to say something, reaching forward and unmuting himself. Instead, this leaves the awkward job of saying “there’s a noise coming from someone and I can’t hear Jonathan talking” to someone else on the call. Know that when they say “someone,” everyone knows who the sound is coming from. They see the little yellow that flashes by your screen every time they hear that dog bark. Everyone except you knows it’s you, but no one wants to make you feel bad and tell you it’s you.

Make everyone’s life better and mute yourself unless you’re talking. If you really are incapable of muting yourself when you’re not talking, at least go somewhere that is quiet so that while you don’t unmute yourself others can aren’t bombarded by what’s happening all around you

The second pillar, like the first but the opposite:

Forgetting to unmute

The expression: “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” comes to mind here. If it really were a new person to Zoom, or maybe someone older, I would give grace that they forgot to unmute themselves when they started talking…but when it’s consistently the same person who constantly forgets to “unmute” themself, I can’t tell you how annoying this is.

*Everyone is going around sharing their good news for the week. The boss calls on the person*

Boss: “What about you Bob?”

Bob: *Silence*

Bob: *More silence*

Everyone: *Staring at Bob’s screen (that doesn’t have his video on) waiting for him to talk*

Bob: *Even more silence*

Boss: “We can’t hear you if you’re talking Bob”

Bob: *A couple seconds of silence*

Bob: “Can you hear me now?”

Everyone: *breathing a sigh of relief the awkward silence has ended* “Yes”, “Yeah”, “Hear you”

Bob: “Sorry, I was on mute. What I was saying was…”

Okay Bob. We understand that when you started at the company three months ago that you had never used Zoom before. We pardoned you for not unmuting yourself then, but now it’s time to stop playing us. You’re either not paying attention to the Zoom call at all, or you are pretending to be incompetent.

Unmuting yourself is no harder than it is for you to mute yourself. Literally Zoom made a shortcut so you could push the BIGGEST KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD to do it. We believe in you, Bob. Stop selling yourself short. Unmute yourself when you talk the first time.

To be clear, I understand everyone makes mistakes. I myself, even after two years of constant Zoom use, occasionally forget to unmute myself. Though admittedly, I think I’ve done this less than twice in the last year. The point is, I know that it happens. I’m not upset at that. I’m upset if during every weekly meeting and every mid-week meeting, you’re the guy who “forgets” to unmute yourself.

Come on, Bob

The final pillar of don’t do’s on Zoom:

Don’t walk around with your video on

I know it may seem like everyone really wants to see what’s going on in your life at all times. You want them to see how interesting your life is and how busy you are that you can’t sit still and be on a Zoom call. If I have to be the first to tell you, I will. Literally no one cares about you are where you are. Your video being on only detracts and distracts from the rest of the call.

I get that you may not be the guy that wants to show off how busy and interesting your life is to others. You may simply want them to know that you are as engaged as possible in the call. In general, I appreciate people who have their videos on more than the people who keep it off. It does show that you are interested in being on the call and want to participate.

But do everyone a favor, if you’re not in a place that you can sit still and participate, turn that video off so you don’t distract everyone else. It is acceptable to put information in the chat as to why you have your video off. But once again, most likely, no one cares that much.

Besides the three pillars, this is a close runner up to the staples of what not to do on Zoom calls:

Use Headphones

There are several things Zoom is not made for. One of which is having several people in one place for a call. This forces you to have the audio so everyone in the room can talk and also forces all three to be further away and not close to the mic.

When you don’t use headphones, there is feedback when others talk. I don’t care what you think about your setup, if you’re not using headphones, there’s feedback. It may not (and probably doesn’t) affect you, and your audio is uninterrupted, but by having a no headphones, when others try and talk and you try and talk at the same time, it cancels one of you out. By having headphones in, you allow several people to be able to talk without the audio having a seizure.

While headphones are not one of the pillars of Zoom calls, you will be a more annoying presence on a Zoom call if you don’t use them.

This has been a presentation from an annoyed Zoom user who hopes to not only improve his own experience, but also the experience of users across the world.

Please don’t be “that guy,” and break one of the pillars.