I believe the reason so many people struggle to make meaningful friendships is that they’re so focused on making them.
That may sound ironic, but as I’ve made friends, it seems building those friendships comes much more from being genuinely interested in what the other person is doing and has done. People want other people to become interested in them, so they will try all sorts of things to make themselves more interesting and telling stories about what they’ve done. But that’s not going to get you friendships.
Other people may legitimately become interested in you, but the thing they are always interested in is themselves. If you can make your first interaction with someone 80% talking about themselves, that person is going to think you are one of the coolest, most knowledgeable people. And they’re going to want to develop the friendship.
Now, if that theme of always talking about them is all they want, they may not be a great long-term friend…too self-absorbed. However, if you use that initial interaction to let them talk a lot about themselves, they’re going to be super curious about you the next time. They’re going to want to ask a bunch of questions.
At the end of the day, friendships come because one person was willing to be more interested in someone else rather than themself.