If Humans Were Houses

Some people are afraid to be vulnerable because they think you might try to change them if they let you in, others are afraid of being vulnerable because they’re afraid you might run if you find out what’s inside.

If we looked at people as if they are a house filled with rooms, some beautiful and decorated, some dirty and messy, we can start to make sense of people’s feelings toward opening their lives (house) to others.

Some people have dirty and messy houses and they could care less about others coming inside. Sometimes they don’t even realize the mess their house is. It can be awkward for people to see everything inside and not know how to tell the person that what they’re living in is not healthy for them.

Some people have spotless houses but are too self-conscious and afraid people won’t like what they see so they never invite anyone over.

Sometimes people try tirelessly to keep their house clean but always feel like it’s a losing battle and no matter how many times they clean it always gets messed up.

The scare people have is that if they show the dirty and messy rooms to people that they will either try and fix it their own way, the way they see fit, or they will run. They’ll realize how gross it is and not want to stick around for another second.

But what do they really need? Sometimes what they really need and what they want are two different things. They may just want someone to come and sit in the dirty room and act like nothing’s wrong. Just treat it as if everything’s fine and you can carry on like usual. Sometimes people really will want you to just fix it yourself so that you don’t have to bother. They depend on you to be the support for the problem.

What really needs to happen though is for the person to come in, sit with the person, understand why the room is the way it is, figure out what they want the room to look like, then help them work on steps to turn the room into the room that they want it to be.

Picture that kid who never wanted to clean his room growing up (maybe me), that kid might one day have the bright idea that he’s going to clean his room so that he can better find things when he looks for them, plus, he’s tired of tripping over clothes every time he walks into it. He sets out to do that very thing when all of a sudden he hears a voice – his mom. “What are you doing? Have you cleaned your room? It better be clean before you go outside.”

He’s completely demoralized. He wanted to clean his room before but now has no motivation. It was his idea, but now if he does it he feels like he’s been forced to do it.

Not an exact example, but it’s very similar in our lives. If we rely on other people to clean these rooms or force us to clean them, we don’t solve any problems. You could hire an entire cleaning company to come clean your house, but if you haven’t helped figure out the source then you’ll continue to go down the same path.

Vulnerability isn’t letting other people come in and move stuff around. It’s letting people come in and help you figure out how to move stuff around.